So I've mentioned several time over the past three years at work that I would love people to join me on my after work run. I change right at release time and scurry to the parking lot to throw my bags in my car and I just take off. I have about 25 minutes before I have to be back to my car to go pick up my kids at the sitters and, depending on the day, my mood and my ability to actually get out the door right on time, I can get between a mile and three in. It's a good deal to keep my base, and because I've been doing it (albeit on and off) for three years it's pretty much a habit and I don't have to think much about it, I just go.
Yesterday a new friend joined me and my WRF (I've had several WRFs- work running friends but the WRF I refer to in all my posts is the one that's been with me for about a year steadily). I was super excited that someone new was joining us. She's been running 3-5 miles on her own. So we took off and I realized shortly that we were pushing her a little hard. Then she walked a bit. We walked a bit. She started again, we kept a slower pace. I am not at all cranky about this, as sometimes my WRF is a speed demon. As we headed into our small park loop we realized we lost her back a bit, so we slowed and debated...do we go back for her? (I CAN NOT STAND when I run with someone one and they loop back for me- insult to injury I say) We caught sight of her and turned...she waved us on and said she was fine. So we kept going. As we completed the little park loop I checked my watch and OMG I realized that I was going to be late picking up my kids. I had a quick conversation with WRF to figure out what to do (We SHOULD have skipped the little loop and made sure our new WRF was with us) and I realized I had to hit the gas to make it back to my car. And she had waved us on. So we went with it.
And now I feel terrible. I am thinking that I should have looped back to tell her I had to sprint to the car and I was super sorry...or I should have made WRF go back for her (even though I really really would have hated that if it were me bringing up the rear) or....or....I just don't know. Because now that I am home and not running, I'm thinking I would be pretty pissed that two people who have been encouraging me to run with them, would just leave me in the dust. It wouldn't have been so bad, but when we got back to the parking lot, we didn't see her again...as in...we're not sure if she went back the way we came or if she followed us through town. I'm ashamed.
I tried to find her on facebook, but it seems she might be a hold out on that front. I am going to track her down first thing this morning to explain about having to get my kids and I will promise her that if she will give us another chance we will totally hang with her. I hope I didn't discourage her, and I feel like I should have known better.
Sigh. I'll get it right next time. I promise!
Friday, October 26, 2012
Friday, October 19, 2012
Stronger than I thought
I went for a lot of runs this week...but I only went out a couple of times. It's been a stressful week, with a few minor crisis. I was having a personal issue, and was totally stressed about not being in control of a situation. I went for my usual after work runs with my WRF (Work Running Friend) and that helped a bit early in the week. Running has always been a type of therapy for me, and I only wish I had realized it sooner in my life. In high school and college, when I was just too overwhelmed (in high school, with girl drama or boyfriend troubles or fights with my parents; in college with my course work) I NEEDED to run. I would have an irresistible urge to lace up my sneakers and hit the pavement as hard and as fast as I could go. The runs were relatively short that way I guess, I didn't really know what I was doing. I just knew I had to do it. I had a bad, but very long term relationship end about 10 years ago, which is what needed to happen, but it hurt and was very traumatic for me and I turned to my old friends- my running shoes (and chocolate and potato chips and Ben and Jerry...so it's a good thing the shoes were part of my pity-fest). I guess I DID realize it on some level, that I needed to run to feel better, but I didn't analyze too much why I had to run, I just ran. And I would run a few times then not put the shoes on again until I felt the overwhelming need again, sometimes months later.
I had my son 8 years ago, and I didn't run a step while I was pregnant. I also ran exactly once with an old jogging stroller hand-me-down after he was born and never touched it again. I had my second son 5 years ago. I didn't start running again until he was 2 and a half years old. Those in between years are filled with lots of great memories, but most of what I remember was living in a fog. A rather unhappy fog, despite the good memories. I probably should have gone to talk to a counselor. I even looked up psychologists and printed out contact information that I never acted on. I knew I was depressed, but I was not depressed ENOUGH for someone to notice and say something I guess...or maybe no one wanted to be the one to tell me. I know now, looking back that something was very very wrong with me.
I started running after doing a weight loss competition at work, mostly in support of a friend who was beginning her weight loss journey. I mentioned to a co-worker that I wanted to start running again now that I was more in shape, and before I knew it he had me signed up for my first 5K since high school. And I walked mostly, but began to run. And I worked my way up to that race. And I felt amazing. I kind of thought it was the weight loss, but recently, I've discovered it's the running. Or been re-reminded that it's the running. And the past 3 years have been amazingly fog-free for the most part.
So this week was rough. I thought something that was totally out of my control was happening. And I hated it. And the fog was returning. On Wednesday, I ran first at work with a group of students who are working up to running a 5K. It's a girl's group, all types of girls, who want to run a 5K and get some girl power while they do it. So excited to hang with them! We hit the track for walk/run intervals and it was so cool to have the girls realize they did more than a mile in the short time we were out there! Then I ran with my WRF for a bit and chatted while we ran. She's having some issues too, but I didn't share mine with her, but it made me feel not so alone. Then I was still dressed in my running clothes when I took A to his horse lessons, so I used that half an hour to run to the corner and back by the arena. During those miles, I cried, I talked to the sky. I saw a teeny rainbow up in the sky, even though it was not raining or even overcast over me. I was by myself, and everything came out. I made peace with what was happening, and realized on that third run of the day, that I might not have complete control over everything in my life, but I am strong enough to handle that. I am STRONG ENOUGH to handle whatever life throws my way. And I'm strong enough because I am a runner.
I hope to always hold that feeling with me, for those moments when I am feeling the fog come in. Instead of heading to bed and pulling the covers over my head and blocking out the world like I want to, I hope I remember that the best medicine is found on the road, moving my body, breathing and sweating out that depression and anxiety.
Thank you to my running friends, the ones who pushed me to start again, and the ones who keep me going. Thank you for teaching me how to lift the fog.
This week: no idea....
This month: not going to bother to check
Happiness and ability to cope with the unknown: 100%
I had my son 8 years ago, and I didn't run a step while I was pregnant. I also ran exactly once with an old jogging stroller hand-me-down after he was born and never touched it again. I had my second son 5 years ago. I didn't start running again until he was 2 and a half years old. Those in between years are filled with lots of great memories, but most of what I remember was living in a fog. A rather unhappy fog, despite the good memories. I probably should have gone to talk to a counselor. I even looked up psychologists and printed out contact information that I never acted on. I knew I was depressed, but I was not depressed ENOUGH for someone to notice and say something I guess...or maybe no one wanted to be the one to tell me. I know now, looking back that something was very very wrong with me.
I started running after doing a weight loss competition at work, mostly in support of a friend who was beginning her weight loss journey. I mentioned to a co-worker that I wanted to start running again now that I was more in shape, and before I knew it he had me signed up for my first 5K since high school. And I walked mostly, but began to run. And I worked my way up to that race. And I felt amazing. I kind of thought it was the weight loss, but recently, I've discovered it's the running. Or been re-reminded that it's the running. And the past 3 years have been amazingly fog-free for the most part.
So this week was rough. I thought something that was totally out of my control was happening. And I hated it. And the fog was returning. On Wednesday, I ran first at work with a group of students who are working up to running a 5K. It's a girl's group, all types of girls, who want to run a 5K and get some girl power while they do it. So excited to hang with them! We hit the track for walk/run intervals and it was so cool to have the girls realize they did more than a mile in the short time we were out there! Then I ran with my WRF for a bit and chatted while we ran. She's having some issues too, but I didn't share mine with her, but it made me feel not so alone. Then I was still dressed in my running clothes when I took A to his horse lessons, so I used that half an hour to run to the corner and back by the arena. During those miles, I cried, I talked to the sky. I saw a teeny rainbow up in the sky, even though it was not raining or even overcast over me. I was by myself, and everything came out. I made peace with what was happening, and realized on that third run of the day, that I might not have complete control over everything in my life, but I am strong enough to handle that. I am STRONG ENOUGH to handle whatever life throws my way. And I'm strong enough because I am a runner.
I hope to always hold that feeling with me, for those moments when I am feeling the fog come in. Instead of heading to bed and pulling the covers over my head and blocking out the world like I want to, I hope I remember that the best medicine is found on the road, moving my body, breathing and sweating out that depression and anxiety.
Thank you to my running friends, the ones who pushed me to start again, and the ones who keep me going. Thank you for teaching me how to lift the fog.
This week: no idea....
This month: not going to bother to check
Happiness and ability to cope with the unknown: 100%
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Ridiculously exciting run report...not!
I laid off this week (not that I had been really doing that much running anyway...) and ran just a couple of times after work with my WRF, and then a short run last night. I am kind of directionless at the moment, and not feeling too much like getting my run on, but once I'm out there I always glad I went. It seems weird to not be training for a race. Wait, wait, Jess...didn't you say you were going to do that Own It 5K training plan? Why yes, yes I did...but I loaned my book to a coworker I couldn't resist...she's been a 'non-runner' in the way I was running but still was a 'non-runner' for years, and has finally 'come of out of the closet' and declared, I am a runner! I want to improve! I am going to train ON PURPOSE for something after she shaved 5 minutes off her 5K time from the same race she did a year ago. I went all "Run Like a Mother" on her and forced my book at her. She was super excited...but I didn't think before handing it over, that I really wanted the copy for myself. I really should have at least hit the photocopy machine before I handed it over. Not that I have an actual 5K in mind to train for...that December one I talked about looks promising, except that I will be disappointed if I put in the time and it ends up being icy or something. I might give up and buy an extra copy of Train Like a Mother on my Kindle so I am never with out it. That seems like a reasonable expense, doesn't it?
Ok...I borrowed the picture from amazon...and gave into the urge to buy the kindle version (only 8$...how can that be wrong?) I also tried to link the picture to the book...hope it worked! I <3 this book!
This week: 2.8 + 2.2 + 3.5 = 8.5
October: 13.4
This week: 2.8 + 2.2 + 3.5 = 8.5
October: 13.4
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Fourth Race Weekend in a Row...I'm cooked.
For my October race, I picked my school's homecoming race. (Oh we had lots of fun this week...Retro day, and Jersey Day, a pep rally and the teachers 'flash dance' during it)
I even ran a warm up run for the first time ever. I chuckled at the thought that a few years ago I scoffed at running a warm up. Why would I run any extra!?! Hahahha
At the starting line, I sized up the crowd. I've never really been like that before, but being that I have placed both other times I've run this race (the first time winning a sweet lunch pail, the second a string backpack that I didn't stick around to claim because my ride was leaving. Boo.) I knew I had a pretty good shot of a three-peat. Except....except that all my small races are getting bigger. If I didn't podium today, it wouldn't be the first time this year that my time, although exceptional for me, wouldn't cut it even though in years past would have guaranteed me a spot. Running is just so darn popular now! The odds were with me today though, with the drizzly skies, temps in the 40s and a field of high school sports teams. I took off quickly, hoping to get in front of the slower runners before we hit the footbridge which is only one person wide, and all the mud puddles (all places where I have been shuffled back in the pack before). I also wanted to run the first mile as hard as I could, knowing that in the middle was a killer hill covered in wet leaves. It's slippery in dry conditions and I was worried I might have to walk down the hill to save myself from falling.
I ended up crossing the finish in 26.58, which was not my best time, but still a good 3 minutes faster than my best on this course. We (my MIL and I) stuck around for awards, where she gathered a first place in her age group (she was the only runner in the group, but no matter, she finished seconds behind me...the first time I've ever come in ahead of her in a race). They work from the high age groups down, from third to first place, so there's plenty of suspense! The finally I heard it: First Place! And my name! In the same sentence! I won a sweet flashlight (which I was mocking, before I had one of my very own. Now it's the bestest flashlight in the entire universe. True story.)
It's time to lay off the racing for a bit, I had fun today, but mostly because of the win, not so much because of the race. I need to pick a November race, and I'm leaning towards a turkey trot of some type if I can find one close enough. I did find a fun looking December race, the first weekend of the month up in the Adirondacks, themed around a whole Christmas weekend. I'm thinking peppermint candy costume...or something elfin? I'll have to convince DH it's worth the trip up...maybe we can make a family weekend out of it?! There's even a pancake breakfast with Santa!
This week: 2.8 with my WRF, and 3.1 today (plus a warm up, but not sure how long), and 13.1 last Sunday
October: 5.9
Check out my awesome dance moves! We're so cool.
I even ran a warm up run for the first time ever. I chuckled at the thought that a few years ago I scoffed at running a warm up. Why would I run any extra!?! Hahahha
At the starting line, I sized up the crowd. I've never really been like that before, but being that I have placed both other times I've run this race (the first time winning a sweet lunch pail, the second a string backpack that I didn't stick around to claim because my ride was leaving. Boo.) I knew I had a pretty good shot of a three-peat. Except....except that all my small races are getting bigger. If I didn't podium today, it wouldn't be the first time this year that my time, although exceptional for me, wouldn't cut it even though in years past would have guaranteed me a spot. Running is just so darn popular now! The odds were with me today though, with the drizzly skies, temps in the 40s and a field of high school sports teams. I took off quickly, hoping to get in front of the slower runners before we hit the footbridge which is only one person wide, and all the mud puddles (all places where I have been shuffled back in the pack before). I also wanted to run the first mile as hard as I could, knowing that in the middle was a killer hill covered in wet leaves. It's slippery in dry conditions and I was worried I might have to walk down the hill to save myself from falling.
I ended up crossing the finish in 26.58, which was not my best time, but still a good 3 minutes faster than my best on this course. We (my MIL and I) stuck around for awards, where she gathered a first place in her age group (she was the only runner in the group, but no matter, she finished seconds behind me...the first time I've ever come in ahead of her in a race). They work from the high age groups down, from third to first place, so there's plenty of suspense! The finally I heard it: First Place! And my name! In the same sentence! I won a sweet flashlight (which I was mocking, before I had one of my very own. Now it's the bestest flashlight in the entire universe. True story.)
It's time to lay off the racing for a bit, I had fun today, but mostly because of the win, not so much because of the race. I need to pick a November race, and I'm leaning towards a turkey trot of some type if I can find one close enough. I did find a fun looking December race, the first weekend of the month up in the Adirondacks, themed around a whole Christmas weekend. I'm thinking peppermint candy costume...or something elfin? I'll have to convince DH it's worth the trip up...maybe we can make a family weekend out of it?! There's even a pancake breakfast with Santa!
This week: 2.8 with my WRF, and 3.1 today (plus a warm up, but not sure how long), and 13.1 last Sunday
October: 5.9
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
BAM! 1/2 Marathon #2 in the books!
I was really nervous for this race! I hadn't been that nervous for my first half two weeks ago, but maybe that's because it was taking the place of my last long training run for this past Sunday's half marathon. It all started in January when my BFF from High School sent me a message to tell me it was time to make good on my talking about running a half marathon. You see, if you missed it earlier, I was running my mouth about wanting to run a half marathon some day at her baby shower the previous Christmas. She was home, and pretty pregnant, but not THAT close to her due date, and had run Disney with her husband with little Baby in the oven. Apparently the thought that someone could do that prompted me to blurt out loud my secret desire to do a half. She got excited and exclaimed: "We should do one together! I've never done one in NY!" and, looking at my pregnant friend, forgetting how driven she is (we really haven't hung out much since high school, being that she went to WVU, then moved to NC, and I stayed in NY for college and got a job about 30 minutes from where we grew up) thinking that it wouldn't really happen, I agreed. Enthusiastically, I might add. Then comes the fateful message: It's time to sign up for the Corning Wine Glass Half. The medals are cool (Not medals: Hand Blown Corning Glass!), you get a wine glass and champagne too! Okay, it sounded cool...and was sooooo far away! I hadn't even gotten my treadmill set up in the basement yet (but it was in the garage! Bless my husband for finally realizing that every year I said I wanted a treadmill, it was true, I really did want one and I love/hate it). So there it was, and it seemed so far away!
I made a plan of attack: Start running and fork over money to race so you will be motivated! And so my New Year's Resolution was born.
I didn't get to hang with my friend and her husband as much as I would have liked, mostly because I didn't get down to the expo until around 4:00 and then by the time I found them they had to go check into their hotel. I called my hotel and verified my room, but didn't drive out there to check in until after dinner. They stayed in town, and I stayed near the start line (um...whoops. the start line to the full marathon. I need to read a map better next time!). While waiting, I thought I would freshen up a bit so I was more dinner-presentable instead of crazed-mom-in-a-hurry looking (I didn't shower that day so I could pack for me, for T who spent the weekend at Grandma's house and get out the door on time to take him to soccer practice too and get on the road)
Imagine my dismay when I opened the hatchback to find my toiletry bag to find...nothing. I forgot it. And with it, my deodorant, toothbrush, all things shower related, phone charger, fruit snacks (what I fuel with on long runs) my breakfast oatmeal, my portable coffee pods, my water bottles....basically everything except my running gear and pajamas. I burst into tears and called DH who reminded me that I could go buy everything and it wasn't a waste because it's stuff I use anyway.
So after dinner, I checked into the hotel, then walked across the street to replace it all (or most of it).
I didn't sleep very well that night, terrified I would not wake up in time. I woke up too early, got ready to go, loaded the car and checked out of the hotel by 6:30. I arrived at the race start by 7, which was WAY too early, as the race didn't start until 8. I didn't mean to be that early, but I panicked when I read the last shuttle from the finish would load at 7:30 and I wanted to make sure I had a parking space, and give myself I-got-lost time (I've been known to need that time!). So I hung around the school for a while, where they were letting runners stay warm. I had plenty of time to second guess my outfit, lack of gloves and all other things stress inducing. I visited the portapotties. Found my friend and her husband, then got in line for the portapotties again. Upon exiting, they were making announcements to find the start, and hurry...I jogged down the road, crossed the start line and before I knew it--no anthem, no announcement, no gun shot or whistle--we were off.
The course was relatively flat...and very well marked, in both miles and kilometers. I had to do subtraction the whole time to figure out where to eat my replacement gummies, since the course was labeled for the marathon. There were also pacers, and I thought I might try to hang with the 2:10 pacer and ahead of the 2:30 pacer, but after the first couple turns in the road, I lost both people with signs (maybe they ditched the signs?!) I was a little worried-my watch was also in that bag I left at home. I figured I would have to suck it up and run 'naked'. It was sort of fun, but I didn't realize how much I looked at my time while running. I refrained from asking everyone whose garmin beeped near me what our pace was, what our time was.
In the end, I finished 2 minutes faster than my first half a couple of weeks ago. I was pleased, although I had expected a bit faster than that. I felt great at the finish. Downed the most amazing chicken noodle soup ever, and contemplated my time. Turns out...I think I LIKE a little bit of hills on my routes. Every time I've been pleased with my times, there have been some hills (expected or otherwise) and I had so much left at the end of this race that I wondered if I had been subconsciously 'saving' myself for the hills that never showed? The course description does say flat and fast, but sometimes there's a hill in there somewhere.
I found my friend, who finally broke 2 hours (after 12 halfs!!) and her husband who ran with her, and her family. We stayed around until after the marathoners started to come through, then they took off. I found my checked bag, and my shuttle to the start and off I went. I wish I had more time to spend with my friend, but other than that, I had a great weekend. The 4 hour drive home was not fun, my legs and hips were so cranky I made them sit in a seat that time, and I felt it a bit on Monday, but I seem fine now!
Yesterday I signed up for my next 5K just to make sure I keep it going! (It's this weekend...4 racing weekends in a row. yikes!)
Sunday: 13.1 (plus a little .1 jog to the start line!)
September 63.3 (not as high as I expected, considering 2 half marathons...but not awful for my first month back to work either)
This week: 13.1
I made a plan of attack: Start running and fork over money to race so you will be motivated! And so my New Year's Resolution was born.
I didn't get to hang with my friend and her husband as much as I would have liked, mostly because I didn't get down to the expo until around 4:00 and then by the time I found them they had to go check into their hotel. I called my hotel and verified my room, but didn't drive out there to check in until after dinner. They stayed in town, and I stayed near the start line (um...whoops. the start line to the full marathon. I need to read a map better next time!). While waiting, I thought I would freshen up a bit so I was more dinner-presentable instead of crazed-mom-in-a-hurry looking (I didn't shower that day so I could pack for me, for T who spent the weekend at Grandma's house and get out the door on time to take him to soccer practice too and get on the road)
My little ham at soccer practice: Orange slices are one of my favorite parts of sports too!
Imagine my dismay when I opened the hatchback to find my toiletry bag to find...nothing. I forgot it. And with it, my deodorant, toothbrush, all things shower related, phone charger, fruit snacks (what I fuel with on long runs) my breakfast oatmeal, my portable coffee pods, my water bottles....basically everything except my running gear and pajamas. I burst into tears and called DH who reminded me that I could go buy everything and it wasn't a waste because it's stuff I use anyway.
So after dinner, I checked into the hotel, then walked across the street to replace it all (or most of it).
All this stuff cost more than my hotel room. Sigh.
I didn't sleep very well that night, terrified I would not wake up in time. I woke up too early, got ready to go, loaded the car and checked out of the hotel by 6:30. I arrived at the race start by 7, which was WAY too early, as the race didn't start until 8. I didn't mean to be that early, but I panicked when I read the last shuttle from the finish would load at 7:30 and I wanted to make sure I had a parking space, and give myself I-got-lost time (I've been known to need that time!). So I hung around the school for a while, where they were letting runners stay warm. I had plenty of time to second guess my outfit, lack of gloves and all other things stress inducing. I visited the portapotties. Found my friend and her husband, then got in line for the portapotties again. Upon exiting, they were making announcements to find the start, and hurry...I jogged down the road, crossed the start line and before I knew it--no anthem, no announcement, no gun shot or whistle--we were off.
The course was relatively flat...and very well marked, in both miles and kilometers. I had to do subtraction the whole time to figure out where to eat my replacement gummies, since the course was labeled for the marathon. There were also pacers, and I thought I might try to hang with the 2:10 pacer and ahead of the 2:30 pacer, but after the first couple turns in the road, I lost both people with signs (maybe they ditched the signs?!) I was a little worried-my watch was also in that bag I left at home. I figured I would have to suck it up and run 'naked'. It was sort of fun, but I didn't realize how much I looked at my time while running. I refrained from asking everyone whose garmin beeped near me what our pace was, what our time was.
In the end, I finished 2 minutes faster than my first half a couple of weeks ago. I was pleased, although I had expected a bit faster than that. I felt great at the finish. Downed the most amazing chicken noodle soup ever, and contemplated my time. Turns out...I think I LIKE a little bit of hills on my routes. Every time I've been pleased with my times, there have been some hills (expected or otherwise) and I had so much left at the end of this race that I wondered if I had been subconsciously 'saving' myself for the hills that never showed? The course description does say flat and fast, but sometimes there's a hill in there somewhere.
Ta-Dah! We did it!
I found my friend, who finally broke 2 hours (after 12 halfs!!) and her husband who ran with her, and her family. We stayed around until after the marathoners started to come through, then they took off. I found my checked bag, and my shuttle to the start and off I went. I wish I had more time to spend with my friend, but other than that, I had a great weekend. The 4 hour drive home was not fun, my legs and hips were so cranky I made them sit in a seat that time, and I felt it a bit on Monday, but I seem fine now!
Yesterday I signed up for my next 5K just to make sure I keep it going! (It's this weekend...4 racing weekends in a row. yikes!)
Sunday: 13.1 (plus a little .1 jog to the start line!)
September 63.3 (not as high as I expected, considering 2 half marathons...but not awful for my first month back to work either)
This week: 13.1
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